3. Die to the need to always be right
Being right is not more important than preserving love, peace, and truth.
This does not mean ignoring sin or avoiding necessary conversations. It means refusing to turn every disagreement into a battle for victory.
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” — James 1:19
“A gentle answer turns away wrath.” — Proverbs 15:1
Sometimes sacrificial love means putting down the need to win an argument so that you can actually win your spouse’s heart through love.
4. Die to anger and harshness
Scripture specifically addresses how husbands should treat their wives:
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” — Colossians 3:19
Sacrificial love does not use anger, intimidation, insults, shouting, or cruelty as weapons.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” — Ephesians 5:25
Christ’s example calls a husband toward gentleness, patience, and self-control, not harshness.
5. Die to unforgiveness and resentment
Christ gave Himself for the Church even though humanity’s sin created the separation.
Likewise, marriage requires the willingness to release bitterness and pursue reconciliation.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” ~ Ephesians 4:32
“Bear with each other and forgive one another… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” — Colossians 3:13
Forgiveness does not mean pretending that wrongdoing did not happen. It means refusing to allow bitterness to become the foundation of the relationship.
6. Die to selfish desires
Sacrificial love means that your spouse’s needs matter to you.
“Love is not self-seeking.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:5
This applies to time, attention, finances, affection, decisions, responsibilities, and intimacy.
Love asks, “How can I serve?” rather than always asking, “What am I getting?”
7. Die to bitterness and keeping records of wrongs
When past mistakes are constantly brought back into present conflicts, the relationship becomes a courtroom rather than a home.
“Love keeps no record of wrongs.” ~ 1 Corinthians 13:5
Sacrificial love does not weaponize yesterday’s failures against today’s person.
8. Die to selfish control
A husband is called to lead, but biblical leadership is fundamentally servant leadership, not control.
Jesus said:
“Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant.” — Matthew 20:26
And Christ demonstrated this by serving His disciples.
“I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” ~ John 13:15
Therefore, biblical headship should never be understood as permission to manipulate, dominate, threaten, or silence a wife.
The greater the responsibility, the greater the call to sacrificial service.
9. Die to unforgiving communication
A husband must learn to communicate without tearing down the person he claims to love.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up.” ~ Ephesians 4:29
The question is not simply, “Am I telling the truth?” but also, “Am I communicating this truth in a way that builds rather than destroys?”
10. Die to comfort when love requires sacrifice
Christ did not love the Church only when it was convenient.
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” ~ John 15:13
Sacrificial love sometimes means giving up sleep to listen, giving up comfort to serve, changing a habit that hurts your spouse, making time when you’re busy, or choosing reconciliation when your flesh wants distance.
In simple terms
A husband, a King is called to die to:
- Ego ~ “It has to be about me.”
- Pride ~ “I will never admit I’m wrong.”
- Selfishness ~ “What about my needs?”
- The need to always be right ~ “I must win this argument.”
- Harshness ~ “My anger gives me the right to hurt you.”
- Bitterness ~ “I will keep punishing you for what happened.”
- Unforgiveness ~ “You will never hear the end of your mistake.”
- Selfish ambition ~ “My plans matter more than ours.”
- Control ~ “You must do things my way.”
- Impatience ~ “I don’t have time to understand you.”
- Retaliation ~ “Because you hurt me, I will hurt you back.”
- Comfort ~ “I will only sacrifice when it is convenient.”
And the King/husband must put on:
Humility.
Patience.
Gentleness.
Forgiveness.
Self-control.
Service.
Understanding.
Faithfulness.
Compassion.
Truth.
Prayer.
Love.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” — 1 Peter 4:8
Christ did not die for the Church because the Church was perfect; He gave Himself in love to make her holy~ Ephesians 5:25–27
So when Scripture tells a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the Church, it is calling him to a love that says:
“I will not make my ego more important than our unity.
, I will not make my pride more important than reconciliation, I will not make my comfort more important than your wellbeing, I will lay down what must die in me so that love can live between us.”
Written Lady Phebe Kekeli Dewodo, Convener,
WOMAN EXTRAORDINAIRE COMMUNITY,
QUEENS ANTIDOTE CONFERENCE
